Day 23 :: Pursuing Them; Romancing a Boys Heart

Last year I talked a lot about romancing our children’s hearts – pursuing them passionately – to woo their hearts, to build a deep relationship, all while pointing them to Christ. I know I am doing quite a few reposts from the past these last few days, but life is all sorts of crazy right now!! I am pulling another post from the archives on romancing their hearts; communicating to our children that we are pursuing them.  

{repost from Fall 2011}

Late last year I enjoyed a book called Romancing Your Child’s Heart by Monte Swan – the idea was simple yet brilliant; as parents we should intentionally seek to woo our children’s hearts with the intent of turning their attention to Christ. Intentionally seek by using creative means uniquely suited to each child.

At the beginning of the book Monte says; “The missing element in so many parent-child relationships is the matter of being, rather than doing.” And a few paragraphs later; “Our Christian faith is not so much about doing as it is about being – specifically, being in a relationship. And this must precede anything we try to do, or the romance we offer a child, or anyone else, will prove to be little more than pretense.

I want very much to be intentional with my children, and it is my great desire to romance their hearts towards God. But of even greater importance is that my relationship with the Lord be a genuine affair, that my character be more developed than my acts of service, that my children see my love for Christ lived out in the quiet of our home. Romancing their hearts comes second to me being romanced by Him.

When talking about romancing the hearts of our children Monte says; “It is virtually impossible to romance the heart of a person we do not know. We need to begin preparing for the romance by becoming students of our children. We must really come to know them. This kind of knowing requires ongoing research, observation and data gathering, since children are continually growing and changing, developing and maturing.”

I find it rather hard to really get to know my kids. And by that I mean I find it hard to set aside my preconceived ideas about my kids and Since I am the one that gave birth to them and I have been here every day of their lives {give or take a few overnight trips away with Paul!} and given the fact that I chose all the books and movies that influence their minds I sometimes feel like I know them based off of that. But none of those things define who my kids are. My boys were created by God – in His image- and they are uniquely created. They have their own quirks, their own strengths, their own weaknesses. Getting to really know who my children are is a study of God’s most precious creation, and to assume I know my kids simply because I am around them all the time is really an insult to God’s creativity. It takes an intentional effort to truly know ones own children.

Throughout the book Monte encourages parents to be intentional about their parenting and to really think about what matters when it comes to your children despite what is considered “normal.” As an earth scientist he offers a really unique perspective on the importance of parents and children enjoying and appreciating God’s creation together as a way to get to know who God is. After sharing a story and his appreciation for a mother who let her son play in a mud puddle he shares this beautiful sentiment on the wonderment of childhood; “From an eternal perspective, we see a child’s fascination, curiosity, amazement and breathless enchantment at a creation with God’s finger prints and brush strokes all over it. With all that at stake, why would we rush to extricate our children from muddy puddles …?”

This was never intended to be a book pitch, however I would highly recommend this book to parents of boys in particular. Boys are a unique breed and through Monte’s stories of his own childhood and how his parents unique parenting styles positively affected him I found myself falling in love even more with the wildness of boys. In fact, this book was what inspired my 2011 goal to romance my boys hearts.

Because “… if we don’t fill their tanks, they will eventually get them filled somewhere else, and possibly respond to another – a false – romance.

Day 23 of 31 Days of Communicating With Our Children. Click here to see all posts in this series.

31 days button1 Teamwork :: day 18

Related Content:

Jessica Lynette


  1. I'm really looking forward to more of your thoughts and ideas on this. My only resolutions this year were about improving relationships with loved ones and the most important is my resolution to make sure that I really know my children.

    I want to be more intentional about staying in touch with who they are as they grow and change. I already find this more difficult with my two little men than with my daughter who is very articulate and willing to share every detail of her day and what is on her mind.

    I am going to have to find a copy of that book.

  2. Wow — great post! I can't wait to hear more of your ideas on this & I'll start talking to the Lord about how I can woo my boys. I think I need a copy of this book, too 🙂

  3. Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving and comment. I look forward to reading your blog more and reading about your adorable kids…..with a very nice name (Judah), I must add. 🙂

  4. Very inspiring post, Jessica! One of my favorite things is learning something new about my kids & husband. you'd think after all these Yeats with them, I'd know everything, but that's not true. Now that mine are older, I find it fascinating to see how sometimes their opinions are very different than mine based on their own personal experiences.

    • I love that you find this true even with your older kids 🙂
      And have I ever told you how much I love how much you cheer your kids on?
      It's inspiring 🙂

  5. Came over from MOB and love this post. Can't wait to get this book. Such a good reminder to really get to know our children. And to intentionally seek to romance their hearts. Looking forward to reading ways you are getting to know your children and romancing them.

  6. I've got to get this book! My boys are older, and I found I had to be even more intentional as they grew, not expecting them to be with big brother was or what I had always thought they were.

    I have a whole chapter in my book (I'm Outnumbered) on Intentional Mothering!

    I have four sons…come by and see me sometime!

Comments are closed.