Like Them :: day 1
2012
We all want to be liked, don’t we? To have someone want to spend time with us just because they want to. To have someone that wants to hear our ideas and that encourages us in our dreams and is just there. I think it’s a deep desire that most, if not all, of us have.
“It is transformational to like our kids.” – Diana Waring
When I heard this in Diana Waring’s seminar “The Key to Education is Relationship” I sort of dismissed it with a “well, DUH” type attitude. But I have thought about this comment a lot since I first heard it in the early Spring and it really is quite a gem of a quote and rather convicting.
As mothers I think we’d be quick to jump to our own defense; “Of COURSE we like our kids. We’re suppose to. We birthed them. We’ve raised them. We’ve lovingly invested ourselves into them.”
But what if we just like our kids because, well, we actually really just like them?
If I am honest, when I think of the people I frequently interact with there are only a select few who communicate to me that they like me. And, if I am even more honest, I think there’s probably even less that I have let know that I like them.
It’s not that I don’t like people. I like most people. (And I like to think that most people like me!) But it actually takes effort to convey that you like someone. An honest to goodness energy that, lets face it, most of us don’t feel like we have. Oh, we can do friendly and sweet. Sometimes even pull it together enough to send an encouraging card.
But somehow conveying a sincere “hey – I like you for who you are” – seems a bit too much. And if it is lacking in our social circles, is it also lacking in our homes?
Do our children know that we like them? Not because of anything they’ve done, but just because they are ours.
Our children are going to do immature things. They are going to fail. They are going to have quirks – many of which will likely imitate our own and just rub us the wrong way. We need to think strategically and long term when looking at our children – how will these traits look in our child in a matured state?
A few practical ways we as parents can work on liking our children and communicating to them that we like them:
- Examine our own hearts and attitudes.
- Plan fun times with the children. You know your children better than anyone else in the world – what would be fun for your children?
- Enjoy their uniqueness.
- Encourage our children – again, you are in a unique position to know most intimately what would encourage each of your own children.
- Really listen to them. Sometimes this is very hard to do – but I am so convinced that this will pay off long term.
- Be intentional in loving them.
- Catch them doing something right. Be a treasure hunter.
Day 1 of 31 Days of Communicating With Our Children. Click here to see all posts in this series.
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[...] My favorite tip from Diana Waring; “It is transformational to like our kids.” [...]
Great reminder Jessica. Guess what? Even though I can say I do like all my children,the times that I find them the least likable is when they are exhibiting weaknesses that they learned or inherited straight from me! That certainly tells me something right there.
Great post Jessica! Very convicting. I know that I like all of my kids but do they know it? Especially when they have such different personalities I need to be aware of how I am communicating that I like them and I like to spend time with them and to always want to know them better. Sometimes I think I start to assume that they just 'know' how I feel even though my words or choices aren't showing them at this moment. Lots to think about and act on here. This could be applied to many relationships. Thanks!
This is really true. I have struggled with my oldest to "like" him. But as he gets older and I mellow out, he is becoming such a neat kid and I can like him as a person, not just because he is my kid.